Things I Fear

1. I fear this baby won't be happy and healthy. This is a common fear so I need not explain too much further.
   
2. I fear getting off the Geodon. The Cymbalta and the Trileptal are easy to get off. But the Geodon throws me into deep withdraw. Sick to my stomach can barely move withdraw. And I don't have the luxury of calling into work sick this time.
3. I fear my mom might be right. She is so adamant that we can't afford this. She won't listen that this means I can make more money. She won't listen that this might pull us above the poverty line. She uses examples about how I can't afford to get my oldest into sports. Never mind that the only game he is really strongly into involves a computer. Never mind that I have no way to get him to practices multiple times a week and no way to see his games. If he ever came to me and said momma I want to play this, whatever this is, I would make it happen. That's what tax returns are for. We'd put aside a few hundred dollars and when the next season came around we'd take him to tryouts. But she is the one who keeps saying he is into sports. He simply repeats her words. He is into books and computer games.
4. I fear I'll never have a wardrobe again. Or more accurately I fear I'll never get back into the one I just inherited. It's stupid and petty but I just went from having no clothes because I couldn't fit into anything I owned, to having a full wardrobe because my best friend who was my exact size lost a lot of weight. I don't lose weight very easily so I may never fit into that wardrobe again. I can rebuild it piece by piece I guess but ti would be a lot easier to just shrink back to my pre-pregnancy size.
5. I fear that my mom is secretly mad that she just bought me all new work pants for Christmas that I now won't fit in here in a few months. Jokes on her. She accidentally bought them a size bigger than I requested without realizing it. I requested a size bigger than I actually wear figuring they'd give me some room to expand this winter just from regular winter weight. So in reality they are 2 sizes too big and I'll be able to wear them for awhile and if the pattern holds, I'll be able to wear them after the baby is born. I'm calling it fate.
6. I fear I'm never going to be able to sleep in the next 8 months because I no longer have my Lunesta to help me along. Pregnant women aren't known for being able to sleep as is.
   

2-6 Weeks

I got the phone call today. My blood work shows I'm 2-4 weeks pregnant. Most likely 3. That has to be going from time of conception then. Because, to my knowledge, isn't it actually counted from the first day of your last period which is November 29th? So by my count 6 weeks, the doctor's count 3. Whatever. The doctor's figure does line up perfectly with the 18th as the conception date.

I don't have an appointment with my OBGYN yet. It's too early for that. I think it's around 9 weeks that they will want to see me.

So far no real symptoms other than the missed period. Well, and my face has acquired 3 new pimples in the past 24 hours.

We have settled on names. Samantha Levey if it's a girl. Douglas Anthony if it's a boy.

It will most likely be a boy. There has only been 1 girl born into like 10 generations in Pat's family. I'm mostly ok with this. Girls are brats and I don't know what I'd do if I gave birth to a cheerleader.

Right now I don't know what to think.

I'm suppose to be job hunting right now. For a serious job as a bank teller. I don't know if I put that on hold and wait it out 9 months or go ahead and try to get a job now and lose it when I go on maternity leave. Neither option sits well with me. And I don't know if I can even interview pregnant and not confess that I'm pregnant. My ability to keep my trap shut is lacking. In this case it would feel like a lie because I'd be accepting the job under the assumption that I intend to stay there awhile knowing full well, once I delivered and went on leave, I'd be let go because I wouldn't be protected by the FMLA.

Other than that I'm really excited. This completes the family I've always wanted.